IOWA- Onion LLC is redefining the definition of a weapon. When you think of a weapon what comes in mind is usually a knife or a gun. Onion LLC plans to change all of that by releasing a new type of weapon in the form of an onion. Yes an onion. The weapon will look like a normal onion but will be made out of pure steel. This way robbers and thieves don’t see it coming.

“An onion would be much more effective than a gun or knife,” Froifer Davis, CEO of Onion LLC, said in a public announcement. “When an intruder sees a gun or knife, they will immediately back off making the chances of actually hurting them slim. However, an onion will not seem to be of any threat making it easier to strike the intruder cold.”

The onion weapons, called the Onionater, are set to be released this month. The Onionator features a pure stainless steel build with a realistic onion touch. They are also extremely portable making it easy to carry anywhere you go.

“I think this is a great idea,” Joseif Kaita, a person that preordered the Onionator, said. “Now I don’t have to worry about being mugged on the New York City Streets.”

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They have to be recalled, because in the wrong hands they could be deadly. Stabbing someone with these pencils can result in fatal side effects.

“From my experience, Bic messed up big time. My whole report was ruined when I used it, and when I tried to sharpen the pencil, it broke my pencil sharpener,” Bob Coulton, a high school student says. “At least there’s a new excuse for not doing your homework ‘My pencil ate it.’

Several cases of poisoning have been reported where the unwary victim felt the tip of the pencil. Victims start to feel dizzy and have severe headaches. Some have even reported to faint.

“We are terribly sorry for the mistake,” Francis Scud, CEO of Bic, said to victims. “We are doing everything we can to investigate what exactly went wrong. We are sorry for anyone that is affected by this incident.”

Quickly recalling them was a good move, because anyone could use the pencils as a weapon. So far, there have not been any deaths reported from the incident. However, thousands of people are suing Bic for this incident.

“What they can’t even make a pencil correctly? No wonder American cars suck compared to foreign cars.” Timmy Ross told reporters.

Bic is definitely feeling the heat. They could lose millions in court.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? To make news more interesting and to get people to read the boring news.To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.

“I was just bought 10,000,000 shares of Apple when I felt a chill in my spine.” Robert Mcauthy, a stock investor, said, “Then, I saw him, and instantly my stock went plummeting. I reckon he’s some sort of stock ninja, and he can control when the stocks will drop. Right after he was escorted out, all the stocks surged upwards. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure these things out.”

Whether you think that theory is crazy or you believe it, we may never know the truth. Police have no leads on what the suspect looks like let alone who he is. They’re not even sure the “ninja” was a boy. Whoever it was knew a lot about the stock trading floor, because none of the cameras caught him on tape. Locals are going crazy when they heard the news.

“It’s the sign of the apocalypse! Sell everything! The world is ending!” A random elderly man said to a reporter.

“The media is so naive. If they read any of the Super Chronicles of Ninja Man comics they would know that ninjas can’t be caught on tape!” A teenager boy commented.

Whether if the person was a ninja or simply a boy in a costume, remains a mystery. The police are confused on how such a person could avoid a hundred seventy two cameras on the floor.

“If we do ever discover who the culprit is, we would need to ask him how he did it. If this information gets into the wrong hands, it could be lethal. Think about how many bank robbers, car thieves, and murderers could get away.” Robert Lee, a local deputy, said.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? To make news more interesting and to get people to read the boring news.To see the real story click here.

“It’s hot… turn on the air conditioning.” Little Sarah whined in the car.
“We’re almost there, you know what? Once we get there, I’ll get you a Slurpee at the local 7 Eleven.” Brahms, Sarah’s dad, said.
“Next stop… Brain Freeze Land.” Sarah joked.
Sarah and her dad were on a road trip together. They were driving from Ohio all the way to California to see their grandparents. Countless hours of driving filled with potty breaks, excessive whining, and leg cramps were finally going to end as they approached their destination.
“Well here we are.”
“I want my Slurpee now!” Sarah demanded.
“Just help me unpack and I’ll ask grandpa where the nearest 7 Eleven is.”
After unpacking and getting smooched by her grandparents, Sarah was getting impatient. She desperately needed to cure her killer thirst and heat.
“I want a Slurpee dad. You promised me.”
“Dad, do you know where’s the nearest 7 Eleven is?” Brahms asked.
“Yea, just off of State Street by Weiss.”
A few minutes of driving and alas they were there. Pulling into the store, something didn’t look right though. Then, they realized that the 7 Eleven sign was replaced by a Kwik-E-Mart sign.
“Dad… where are we?”
Brahms was speechless as he opened the door. Coca Cola, Cheerios, and Slurpees were gone. Instead, they were replaced by Buzz Cola, Krusty O’s Cereal, and Squishees. They found out that the local 7 Eleven was selected to turn into Kwik-E-Mart to promote the oncoming Simpsons Movie. Sarah did cure that killer thirst eventually with a Squishee instead of a Slurpee.

Disclaimer This story is not the real news story. This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? To make news more interesting and to get people to read the boring news. Enjoy!

To see the real story click here.

Now why would John Chow do something like this? He covered that up as well on his article.

So the E-book is basically a cluster of his blog posts from Money Making which are updated to certify quality. I downloaded the e-book, so you should do the same.

Duly Noted:
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Put your site in Web Directories, those are just like phonebooks but with use to your website. Find ones that have good Page Rank, which is ranked from 0 to 10. So a Page Rank 3 or higher will give you a decent backlink. Also to achieve a more eminence link there are more steps to follow. You have to find a website with a good niche; niche is defined in the SEO (Search Engine Optimization) world as a category in what your website falls into. Such as Google would have a Search Engine niche, MTV has a music and entertainment niche, Comedy Central has a comedian type of niche and so on and so forth. Next you have to do some research on the type of link you are receiving. This includes the four golden rules: pagerank, indexed pages, backlinks, and niche. It is mandatory if you want a quality link to find a website that has mastered those qualities. If you get a backlink that has a good PR but no indexed pages, and not the same niche, then there is not much use to it. If you have a backlink with indexed pages, but not the same niche and no pagerank, then it is not worth it. So it is necessary to find a website that has a link with those four qualities mentioned above. This is also helpful in the marketing world. People will try to sell links for a cheap price, and say they are quality, but without doing a background check (A good tool to use is Iwebtool) they might be just giving a poor link for a cheap price. I call those wasted links, they have little or no effect on your SEO. I bought quite a few of them, and had experience, and I now know which links are quality. Also it is always better to find a website that has less outbound links as well.Another excellent way to acquire good links is to put your website in your signature. If it is a good website with the 4 qualities mentioned; pagerank, indexed pages, backlinks, niche (not necessarily niche required for this one) then you should go ahead and put your website in your signature. I can’t stressed this enough, people tend to not realize the important of this. It is always good as well not to simple place the URL but to provide an Anchor Text. This is a keyword, and will help identify your website! Also if you can’t afford to buy a link, it is always a good idea to exchange links with partner website (remember to follow the four golden rules). Be sure to do a link exchange with a SEO friendly website, not a bad one.

I know most of you want to learn how to drive traffic to your website. This is one of the most difficult and intricate parts of developing a master website. It is always a good first push start to alert you friends and people that you know about your website. Chances are this will help quite a lot. I had success using this as many of my top posters are personal friends. But you might want to stay away from those jocks and cheerleaders ; they probably won’t understand what a website is. Another good way to get a numerous amount of traffic is to do advertising. Aside from getting a link on a high SEO’ed website, try to get a link on a high traffic website. The only rule for this is have it related to your niche, the worst thing that could happen is having an Illegal Music Download site receiving traffic from a Government Justice website, it just doesn’t fit eh :p ? It is good to have a banner placed on high traffic websites. There are many different ways to advertise including; content creation, Myspace bulletins, banner advertising, Google Adwords, blog posts, signatures, and more.

Trade is always a good way to receive something. Especially links, anyone would want to have 50 posts on there forum for a monthly link on their high traffic, high PR, or highly indexed website. You can also trade many other things including links, posts, traffic, advertising, signatures, avatar space, and more.

I think the best way to receive traffic to your website is something that draws attention. Let’s take a look at some successful websites shall we? Digitalpoint has resourceful tools and a helpful community, Google has a massive search engine, Iwebtool has a plethora of SEO tools, Apple has the revolutionary iPod, AOL has the instant messenger and internet services, Youtube has video broadcasting, and there are more. If you have something that someone in the world likes, such as a videos, then a person will surely link to their website. I know on my Myspace I put certain videos that I like, and that is a plus for the video creator. Now it is up to YOU to find a unique specialty that attracts interest for your website. If someone likes something, chances are they introduce it to others, then they introduce it to others, and a chain of free advertising occurs. It is also best to get fresh content. Improve your site more and more all the time! Everyone loves this and so will you. It makes your website look clean, sophisticated, cool, attractive, and fresh, just like you want your child to be right?

Another crucial component needed is an excellent design. If your website has a simple and dull design then most people won’t want to visit your website. Your banner, logo, theme, and forum should look neat and attractive, and should be matching. You cannot throw of design, and it is complicated to find the right theme for you. You should stick to your website as well. Be devoted, and it will be devoted to you, hopefully your members will also be dedicated towards it. If you don’t care for your website, no one else will either.

I find it best to keep users entertained. The worst scenario is that users get bored, and this leads to leaving and finding another substitute website. On my website I have an arcade, a news section, videos, contests, a lottery, and more. Find an amazing idea that keeps members attached. When they get attached they want to post, and posting leads to activity, which is a forums best friend. Also have special groups, such as an Elite Members club, as I have on my website Fantasy PC. This makes users want to feel special, and therefore find a liking to your website. I also have a currency in which you can earn by posting. It is called FP Gold, instead of real money it is a fake currency on my forums. These can be earned by posting more, and can be used for graphic designs, services, forum posting, script creation, website help, contests, link sales, signature sales, advertising, and more.

Well, I covered as much as I could. As I said earlier, creating a thriving website is difficult, takes an amount of time and dedication, you even may have the chance you can be unsuccessful, which I hope shouldn’t happen. You probably noticed that I compared creating a website to raising a child. Even though I haven’t had any children myself as I am just a teen, I am pretty sure it is a pretty close comparison. You want your child to be successful and you have to develop him/her and put effort into it so if you keep to it, and learn and practice everything from my guide here to different guides, you can improve your website, to one day becoming a triumphant website.

I hope everyone learns from this, as it took me a while to write it.