KENTUCKY- Americans are becoming more and more shaped like ovals. This has got to stop before we get so big that our stomachs explode literally, Dr. Shawzee Boh, a health expert, said. In an attempt to stop the rapidly increasing obesity rates, one small town in Kentucky is revolutionizing how we think of fast food. Local legislature just passed into a law an ordinate that would give the right to any transportation company to search for fast food on their clients. They also have the power to kick off any clients that have fast food on them. Obesity is a major health concern. Drastic situations call for drastic actions. Paul Bober, who came up with idea, defended it. However, a law like this never goes in without speculation. Some people say that it’s against the constitution to decide what you can and can’t eat. Other people that this is too drastic. I was strip searched for fast food, Sarah Goffman said. That’s not even funny, I thought this was supposed to be the land of the free.ikoniИкониПодаръциикони на светциИдея за подаръкикониикониПравославни иконииконописikoniсвети георгиikoniхудожник на икониИкони на светци

“As a bishop, it’s a requirement for me to be able walk diagonally,” Bishop Charles defended his actions. “If I can’t walk diagonally, all my followers will think that I’m an imposter.”

Police authorities arrived on the scene and determined that the Bishop could not move diagonally because of arthritis in his legs. However, the Bishop was fined 100 dollars for calling 911 with no real emergency.

“No emergency? My whole career was on the line!” Bishop Charles defended his call.

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To all the struggling marriages in the United States that are thinking about divorce, SAWING LLC has announced a new alternative- dividing the house in half. Not by traditional means, instead they will offer to literally saw your house in half. Each individual will get a half of the house until the dispute is over.

“The divorce rate in the United States is a shocking 50%. That means your marriage outcome is basically decided by a coin flip,” Flip Larry, owner of Sawing LLC, commented in a news brief. “By having the individuals separated for an extended amount of time, it can help straighten out the marriage.”

After the couples are ready to reunite and have their house to normal, SAWING LLC will also reconnect the house like it was before the sawing. Full sawing packages start at $999 dollars.

“This is a great option for those couples trying to grasp on to the last dying breaths of their marriage. Separating for an extended time can provide the couples with a break and time to reform their marriage.” Philip Skyes, an alleged costumer, said.

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The students tried everything from making loud noises to poking Samuel, but he wouldn’t respond. A local paramedic was called onto the scene but couldn’t do anything either. The boy’s heart was beating fine and was breathing normally.

“This is an extremely odd case. How does one not have the ability to respond when his mind is active?” Patricia Curnes, the paramedic called onto the scene, said.

The question now is what to do? Since the boy is lost in his own mind, search and rescue teams have already entered his mind trying to find him. However, the chance of an actual rescue is very slim.

“Even if we had all the rescuers in the world, the chances would be very slim,” Paul Abdul, a family doctor, said. “The mind is so vast; the rescuers have to sort through opinions, feelings, and thoughts to find the boy.”

Despite the harsh outlook, rescuers and family members still remain optimistic.

“My son will be found! He is very narrow-minded, so there is no doubt in my mind a rescue is possible.” Robert Mitchell, Samuel Mitchell’s dad, said.

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“It’s amazing how much our world has changed in the last thirty years,” Veronica said. “Now there’s this thing called cell phones where you can talk in a cell now and this big net for catching fish called the Internet. Really fascinating, I’m going to have to get use to it.”

Scientists are still amazed at how Veronica survived with no food or water for thirty years. They say that her body totally shut down except for the heart, and it was able to sustain itself without nutrients for thirty years.

“I’m just glad that she’s back,” Debora Sheldon, her mom, said. “She had us worrying for thirty years. Now I can finally have her in my arms.”

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“I think a solid cloud is definitely possible,” Mike Furn, a leading weatherman, said. “If it’s really cold up in the skies, the temperature can turn the water in the clouds solid which is also known as hail. If the hail doesn’t fall, then the cloud can be up to fifty percent solid. Of course this is a rare occurrence, but this is what happened to Ronald Jones.”

Ronald was an avid pilot known for his bravery as he broke many records in the air including flying around the world in only a day. He had several close calls including running out of gas, hitting a tree, and a parachute malfunction. Even with all the accidents, Ronald was never seriously hurt. This time, luck might have caught up with him.

“I can’t believe it,” Edward Jones, Ronald’s brother, said. “My brother was a very experienced pilot and he getting involved in a freak accident like this angers me. I still remain hopeful and hope that he comes home all in one piece.”

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