“She read magnificently,” George Bush said later teary eyed. “I’m so proud of her. Growing up and learning how to read in public. One day she’ll even learn how to write… I can’t take it.”

Besides reading Cinderella, Jenna went through a whole pile of books including Peter Pan and sang the alphabet. The whole performance lasted two hours and ended with thunderous applaud. Even though it seemed like Jenna has showed the media that she can really read, there is a lot of speculation going around that she faked it.

“I watched her mouth carefully throughout the whole performance,” Scott Jacob, one of the spectators, said. “Sometimes her lip movement was too fast for the spoken word which leads me to believe she was lip syncing. A person was probably reading backstage while she was lip syncing.”

Both Jena Bush and George Bush were unavailable to comment on this.

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“We have no idea where these ninjas came from,” Sheriff Mark Gawtcher, a sheriff on the scene of the robbery, said. “They’re obviously highly trained in the art of combat. Even with 20 deputies and policemen wielding guns, they managed to dodge the bullets and knock down each person.”

This is not the only incident that was reported involving ninjas. Several other cases from around the country have been reported including ninjas chasing people with machetes, pooping on highway traffic, and even tepeeing the White House.

“At this point we’re not certain whether or not the incidents involved the same people. It is important to stay calm as our defense cracks down on them,” Head of Homeland Security said in a national press conference.

The FBI has added the Ninjas on their most wanted list. Reward is set at 100,000 if you have any information leading to the arrest of the ninjas.

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“Today I had the privilege to watch youngsters participate in the learning experience at a local school,” Bush said during his speech. “This has allowed me to see the No Child Left Behind act first handedly, and we will continue with this successful program. For today I did not just simply watch children in a school, I saw children learning. This event has taught me that children really do learn.”

The speech went on focusing on how every child is important, and that the 10 billion he’s asking to fund the No Child Left Behind act is nothing compared to how important the children’s education is.

“If all the children in our country were bees education would be the honey. Education is essential for our children.” Bush said during his speech.

In addition to the 80 billion asked for the War on Terror, Bush is also asking several billion to fund the No Child Left Behind. He also threatened that if Congress didn’t approve, “Children would be Left Behind.”

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As the impending cold, harsh winter weather approaches, teachers and schools are setting up new rules that are harsher than ever to keep their students safe. School districts have adopted a new isolation protocol that consists of multiple parts. If a student is sick with either a cold or fever, the student must be quarantined into another classroom with other sick students.

“These rules are just too harsh,” Maria Pova, a mom of a district student, spoke out. “Everybody gets sick once awhile and to have the students go through isolation is dreadful. The worst part is that they can’t stay home either or they will count it as skipping school.”

The rules get even harsher. If a student contracted a flu or whooping cough the student must learn outside the school. The protocol itself is well over 10 pages long with almost every disease included. The last disease listed is when a child contracts Respiratory syncytial virus where the whole school must be evacuated.

Too harsh? Not to the school board. “The reason we’re falling behind other countries is that we’re getting sick all the time. Over half of the students miss at least 2 days a year because of sickness,” Jane May, a school board executive, said.
Although this may be true, many say that school boards are using the winter sicknesses as a scapegoat for their falling grades instead of their curriculum.

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“Our economy used to be the best in the world,” Shawn Mcrae, an economist, said. “Now it’s struggling to stay away from dead last.”

Its official the American Dollar is essentially worthless. Now what? Economists say that it will take at least a decade or more for the American economy to get to the top. That’s if we don’t screw up again. We at A Blog That Lies know that you have more than a couple dollars lying around. So what do you do with them? If you don’t have the patience to wait for a decade, here’s a list on what to use your dollar for.

1. Use it as toilet paper. Hey you can do what the rich people use their twenties for now that the dollar is useless.
2. Give it to Charity. You’ll feel good that you donated money to a charity even if it’s worthless.
3. Burn it- Who knows? Money may make great firewood
4. Give it to random people- You’ll look like a nice guy giving away free money

Well there’s the to do list for that useless dollar. We are welcome for suggestions for other ideas.

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“The bridge really leads you to nowhere,” Brian Gates, one of the thousands that attempted to get to the other side, said. “I walked for almost two week straight, and I couldn’t see anything on the other side.”

“I took my helicopter for a ride to see where the bridge goes and when I couldn’t get to the end after several hours,” Jof Joer said.

The government claims that they had no part in funding the massive project that totaled a billion to make. However, the government is under fire for spending tax payer’s money on a useless bridge.

“We pay so many taxes each year and what does the government do with it? Build a useless bridge that leads to nowhere.” Jop Francis said angrily.

Out of all the controversy, there is one person that claims to make it to the other side.

“I walked for days without rest. Finally I saw the end of the bridge. I ran to the end, and it was a whole different dimension. The grass was all purple, and the sky was red. I suddenly had a great urge to fall asleep. I slept on the grass, and when I woke up I was home again,” Jason Cooke claims.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.