CHINA-The Chinese FDA has now approved the company DACM (Dog and Cat Meat)’s proposal to start selling pets as food. This is in response to the high growing population of the Chinese population while the food supply is decreasing rapidly. The DACM plans to open a factory and start selling pet meat as food as soon as this year.

“We are getting desperate for food,” Xin Zhong, a local farmer, said. “The meat prices for pigs and chicken have tripled in a couple months, and the local harvest this year is extremely poor. People are on the street starving and begging for food. Our only option is to turn our own pets as food.”

This new ordinance that allows the use of pet for food is causing unrest and anger in animal lovers and animal right activists in America. In fact, a group planned to protest the ordinance in China. However, there is no free speech in China, and the group was advised not go in fear of getting arrested or worst.

“This kind of behavior cannot be tolerated. Using our own pets as food is ridiculous. If they need food so bad, they should have thought about this when they started making babies like crazy.” Paula Crazor, an animal right activist, spoke out.

The current parents to baby ratio is now at 1:4 which is a new time high. In comparison the ratio is only 1:2 in the United States. This baby boomer is causing mass food shortage and lack of living space.

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“War is so gruesome and bloody, sometimes reverting to the children games calms us down,” Akbar Mohammed, part of the infantry that was missing, defended their actions. “We play everything from tag to follow the leader. That day everyone including the generals participated. I was the seeker, but it’s near impossible to find a hundred different people spread apart in a war zone.”

The infantry were found after a flying helicopter spotted the men hiding in bushes and trees. The troops had been hiding for days living off of raspberry bushes. When the troops didn’t return when they were supposed to, they were all reported missing to the general public.

“I’m just relieved,” Salah Huidi, family member of one of the missing, spoke out. “When I heard they were missing, I thought it was a terrorist attack or worse.”

This incident has greatly embarrassed the Pakistan Army, and now Hide and Seek and other games have been banned.

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“I was questioning a group of suspicious people from a stolen van, “Deputy Sheryl Grewn said. “Suddenly, a beer bottle came out of nowhere smashed the window and knocked me unconscious. Next thing I know, the group that I was interrogating escaped.”

Police don’t know how big or who exactly is in The Beer Army. The only reason they know the name is from a ransom note The Beer Army left them saying that they won’t stop until five imprisoned inmates are released. The inmates have brought in for questioning, but they are as puzzled as the police. Now, The London Police has to go to the last resort of using force.

“This group of people isn’t your average bandits,” Captain Mike Ross said. “They are highly trained and can attack over and over without leaving one shred of evidence. No one knows how they do it. I just hope our new recruits are ready for one heck of a fight. I’m one hundred percent positive they are armed with more than beer cans. This is just the beginning.”

Many civilians are complaining about the tight security measures the police are implementing.

“I was tazered just because I had a beer can in my hand. That’s outrageous.” Michael Kwan said.

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“I considered myself a professional boater,” Bernice Talk, a regular boater, said. “I saw some ships advancing on my ship fast. I knew something wasn’t already right and put my boat in high gear. It was no use, they were too fast. They kidnapped my wife and children. The only reason I made it out was because I jumped into the water.”

The army of pirates is advancing quickly across the strait attacking any ships they see. They’re considered highly advanced and organized. They always destroy all the communication devices in the ship before leaving. This way, they leave without a trace. No one is sure what the pirates want or who they are.

“I have never dealt with anything like this before,” General Yache Dugan commented. “I’ve faced the Vietnam War before but never pirates. I just hope my men are ready for the fight of their lives. These pirates aren’t your usual bandits. They’re highly trained and skilled in the art of combat.”

The sultan has commented on the event saying that ‘the situation is dire and that the military has been called to action.’ Hundreds of family members of the kidnapped are mourning waiting for news. So far, no ransom note or anything has been sent from the pirates.

“The silence is killing me,” Hazar Putin, brother of a captive, says.

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“I can’t sleep, I can’t go outside, I can’t make money for my children,” Azkbar Hussein said. “The bugs are everywhere. Everyday I wake up with dozens of insect bites. All we can do is cower in our homes and hope that they will die off soon.”

Scientists have captured many specimens to see why they’re immune to chemicals. So far, the only hypothesis is that they’re mutated. That doesn’t mean they’re invincible though, old fashioned fly swatters always get the job done. Some children have also reported peeing on the bugs work also. Exterminators might have to resort to the last option of spraying the infected areas with highly toxic chemicals and evacuate the citizens for weeks.

“Our normal compounds are just not working on these bugs,” Sudir Nashir, an exterminator, said. “Many people say the compounds in their pee are strong enough to kill these bugs. That’s very promising as we have many toxic chemicals stronger, but it’s going to be costly. The clouds of these chemicals will stay in the areas for weeks if not longer.”

Many aid agencies have sent basic necessities as food and water over the infected areas. The question of how the bugs got to Pakistan is still a mystery. Many believe the heavens are punishing them like the 8th plague of locusts in Egypt in the Bible.

“I pray everyday for the heavens to forgive us for whatever we did to deserve this fate,” Nahir Samushi said. “All the local markets have been closed and hundreds are starving. Hell can’t be much worse than this.”

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“That’s ridiculous!” Mark Greene, marine biologist, said. “The farmers should have a little more decency, and go in a bush or tree. A river is just inhumane. Thousands of marine life is dead, it’s just sad. Imagine the people that ate the fish in the river.”

Many farmers are actually quite happy now. Tons of dead fish float to the top of the river giving them free food. They deserve it though; anyone that has the guts to eat something out the river is beyond brave.

“When we have to defecate we find the most convenient place to go.” Xi Yu, a local farmer, defends himself. “In this case, it just happened to be the river. Don’t blame us, if the government wasn’t so poor we would be enjoying the luxury toilets in Japan.”

The government has stepped in to improve conditions. They have already put waste eating bacteria in the river. Hopefully in the next fifty years the conditions will improve enough to be able to swim in.

“A pH of 8 is not acceptable even for China. A group of scientists are already working on improving the river. With the population growing so fast, drinkable water is a must.” Tai Le Wang, a scientist that is helping the river, said.

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