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WASHINTON- After a full day of observing children at a local school, George Bush concludes that “Children do learn.” George Bush was given an opportunity to observe a school to see the No Child Left Behind act in action. He later gave a speech to the public detailing the success of the No Child Left Behind.

“Today I had the privilege to watch youngsters participate in the learning experience at a local school,” Bush said during his speech. “This has allowed me to see the No Child Left Behind act first handedly, and we will continue with this successful program. For today I did not just simply watch children in a school, I saw children learning. This event has taught me that children really do learn.”

The speech went on focusing on how every child is important, and that the 10 billion he’s asking to fund the No Child Left Behind act is nothing compared to how important the children’s education is.

“If all the children in our country were bees education would be the honey. Education is essential for our children.” Bush said during his speech.

In addition to the 80 billion asked for the War on Terror, Bush is also asking several billion to fund the No Child Left Behind. He also threatened that if Congress didn’t approve, “Children would be Left Behind.”

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.


 

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MICHIGAN- “Keeping our students safe is our number one priority,” Jeff Kitna, director of education, justified the harsh new rules for sick students.


As the impending cold, harsh winter weather approaches, teachers and schools are setting up new rules that are harsher than ever to keep their students safe. School districts have adopted a new isolation protocol that consists of multiple parts. If a student is sick with either a cold or fever, the student must be quarantined into another classroom with other sick students.

“These rules are just too harsh,” Maria Pova, a mom of a district student, spoke out. “Everybody gets sick once awhile and to have the students go through isolation is dreadful. The worst part is that they can’t stay home either or they will count it as skipping school.”

The rules get even harsher. If a student contracted a flu or whooping cough the student must learn outside the school. The protocol itself is well over 10 pages long with almost every disease included. The last disease listed is when a child contracts Respiratory syncytial virus where the whole school must be evacuated.

Too harsh? Not to the school board. “The reason we’re falling behind other countries is that we’re getting sick all the time. Over half of the students miss at least 2 days a year because of sickness,” Jane May, a school board executive, said.
Although this may be true, many say that school boards are using the winter sicknesses as a scapegoat for their falling grades instead of their curriculum.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.


 

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CINCINNATI- “This is a great alternative to end a dispute without having to divorce.” Paul Keyes, a marriage counselor, said.”

To all the struggling marriages in the United States that are thinking about divorce, SAWING LLC has announced a new alternative- dividing the house in half. Not by traditional means, instead they will offer to literally saw your house in half. Each individual will get a half of the house until the dispute is over.


“The divorce rate in the United States is a shocking 50%. That means your marriage outcome is basically decided by a coin flip,” Flip Larry, owner of Sawing LLC, commented in a news brief. “By having the individuals separated for an extended amount of time, it can help straighten out the marriage.”

After the couples are ready to reunite and have their house to normal, SAWING LLC will also reconnect the house like it was before the sawing. Full sawing packages start at $999 dollars.

“This is a great option for those couples trying to grasp on to the last dying breaths of their marriage. Separating for an extended time can provide the couples with a break and time to reform their marriage.” Philip Skyes, an alleged costumer, said.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.


 

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NEW YORK- After decades of declining value, the American Dollar has become almost worthless. A paper bill with George Washington is now only worth a fraction of a Canadian Dollar. What sparked this dramatic decline? A combination of Bush’s economic policies, the filthy rich buying European merchandise, and the stock market crashing caused the American Dollar to go down the drain.

“Our economy used to be the best in the world,” Shawn Mcrae, an economist, said. “Now it’s struggling to stay away from dead last.”

Its official the American Dollar is essentially worthless. Now what? Economists say that it will take at least a decade or more for the American economy to get to the top. That’s if we don’t screw up again. We at A Blog That Lies know that you have more than a couple dollars lying around. So what do you do with them? If you don’t have the patience to wait for a decade, here’s a list on what to use your dollar for.

1. Use it as toilet paper. Hey you can do what the rich people use their twenties for now that the dollar is useless.
2. Give it to Charity. You’ll feel good that you donated money to a charity even if it’s worthless.
3. Burn it- Who knows? Money may make great firewood
4. Give it to random people- You’ll look like a nice guy giving away free money

Well there’s the to do list for that useless dollar. We are welcome for suggestions for other ideas.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.


 

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CHICAGO – On September 12th the Fields family had their first son, but in this case, they were so excited that they forgot to name their son, doctors said.

“So, what are you naming this wonderful boy?”, said Doctor I. Furget.
“Name, oh my gosh! We forgot about that!”, said the Fields family.
“Well, I will give you some time to think that over…”, said the Doctor.

As they were contemplating for a name in the waiting area, they started running out of ideas. At first the family started thinking of common names, but soon realized they need a unique name. So they looked through magazines and spare books in the room, imagine the Fields family telling their son how he got his name…

As the Doc came into the room he asked, “Are you done yet? I have a life you know.”

While panicking under the pressure of the doctor, officials say that the family decided to think of a name that would remind them of something they like, preferably a baseball team.

In that moment, the Fields family decided to name their son after a famous baseball field they played in called Wrigely Fields.

“We’ve got a name Doc!”
“Good, may I be inclined to know what it is?”, said the Doc.
“Wrigley!”, said the husband.

Doctor I. Furget decided not to question the name and signed the certificate.


 

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Bridge To Nowhere Built


ALASKA- A Bridge leading to absolutely nowhere has been completed. The bridge took over 5 years to go using about 100,000 workers. The bridge supposedly leads walkers to the land of Nowhere that’s supposed to be a world of mystical creatures. Thousands have attempted to get to the other side.

“The bridge really leads you to nowhere,” Brian Gates, one of the thousands that attempted to get to the other side, said. “I walked for almost two week straight, and I couldn’t see anything on the other side.”

“I took my helicopter for a ride to see where the bridge goes and when I couldn’t get to the end after several hours,” Jof Joer said.

The government claims that they had no part in funding the massive project that totaled a billion to make. However, the government is under fire for spending tax payer’s money on a useless bridge.

“We pay so many taxes each year and what does the government do with it? Build a useless bridge that leads to nowhere.” Jop Francis said angrily.

Out of all the controversy, there is one person that claims to make it to the other side.

“I walked for days without rest. Finally I saw the end of the bridge. I ran to the end, and it was a whole different dimension. The grass was all purple, and the sky was red. I suddenly had a great urge to fall asleep. I slept on the grass, and when I woke up I was home again,” Jason Cooke claims.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.


 

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