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Cavemen in Mars Found


MARS- “This is quite shocking news,” Janes Barnes, head of the mission, spoke out about the finding of life on Mars.

An orbiting spacecraft directed by NASA has found life on Mars. However, the Martians aren’t more advanced than us like many TV show depictions, instead they come in the form of cavemen. The cavemen were found living in a cave apparently still without fire. NASA tried to make contact with them, but it seemed that they haven’t learned how to speak yet.

“So much for intelligent life out there,” Janes Barnes said. “It seems as though the cavemen in Mars are still in the Stone Age.”

The NASA commissioners are still trying to study the species to find out how they communicate. Finding out how to communicate to them will be a giant leap to help the cavemen develop their technology faster. Helping the Martians develop can be beneficial for both races.

“This event is comical to me,” James Raval, a leading scientist in NASA, said. “For years we’ve been trying to find intelligent life out there, turns out we’re the intelligent life.”

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.


 

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The Onion Made Into Weapon

IOWA- Onion LLC is redefining the definition of a weapon. When you think of a weapon what comes in mind is usually a knife or a gun. Onion LLC plans to change all of that by releasing a new type of weapon in the form of an onion. Yes an onion. The weapon will look like a normal onion but will be made out of pure steel. This way robbers and thieves don’t see it coming.

“An onion would be much more effective than a gun or knife,” Froifer Davis, CEO of Onion LLC, said in a public announcement. “When an intruder sees a gun or knife, they will immediately back off making the chances of actually hurting them slim. However, an onion will not seem to be of any threat making it easier to strike the intruder cold.”

The onion weapons, called the Onionater, are set to be released this month. The Onionator features a pure stainless steel build with a realistic onion touch. They are also extremely portable making it easy to carry anywhere you go.

“I think this is a great idea,” Joseif Kaita, a person that preordered the Onionator, said. “Now I don’t have to worry about being mugged on the New York City Streets.”

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.


 

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UNITED STATES- Are you morbidly obese? Need help getting around? Lifting Inc. has just announced their new transportation service for any morbidly obese individual. The form of transportation used is a fork lift and can take you almost anywhere you want to go. Lifting Inc. just announced this service to the public and will start the service by the end of this year.

“As food becomes more and more accessible, the number of morbidly obese goes shooting up,” Larry Garner, CEO of Lifting Inc, commented. “The morbidly obese are still people, and they need some means of transportation. This is where this program will help them in their daily lives.

Lifting Inc. says that services start at only 100$ per round trip. They will also be offering monthly and yearly services. That’s not all, the fork lift service is just the start of a massive campaign. Lifting Inc. plans to launch full transportation services for the morbidly obese including private jets and trains. The slogan for this massive campaign to help the morbidly obese is ‘The morbidly obese still need transportation too!’ Although Lifting Inc. has been praised by entrepreneurs worldwide for its originality, the slogan has been taking heavy criticisms.

“The service is insane, and the slogan is even worse. Lifting Inc. is basically promoting people to become morbidly obese. This is not going to have a positive effect on America’s already high obesity rates,” Keith Karner, a health expert, said.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.


 

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Review of Dan Blogs

Before I begin, I have to apologize for the tardiness of this review. As many you know I launched a contest a couple weeks ago, and Dan was the winner. I must say once school starts, I barely have enough time to blog. Sorry Dan for the late review! Well without further interruptions here is the review of Dcr Blogs.

Who exactly is Dan?

As you look around the site and click the about page, you are given a lengthy autobiography of Dan. To summarize it, Dan is a published freelance writer that has had over twenty years of computer experience beginning with the Apple II. He also has a wide array of interests from history to psychology. I am an avid reader of his blog, so I know quite a few things about him that he didn’t include in his autobiography. He is a science fiction fanatic and is also a skilled photographer.

What DCR Blogs is About
DCR blogs is a blog that features a lot of different things. I mean I have read his blog for quite awhile, and I’m not sure exactly what the blog is about. So instead, I will give you a quote from Dan himself describing his blog, “What you will see here is stuff on blogging (including blogging in general as well as monetization issues and so on), technology, nature and antiques.” One thing I can tell you is that Dan does get off topic a lot. This of course isn’t always a bad thing. In a recent post he talked about how he was making a lot of salsa. He also likes to show off his photographic talent once in awhile by showing a picture or two.
Probably what Dan is most well known for is his Viral Link stories. He basically gets a group of links and makes stories out of them. Creative eh?

DCR Blog’s Theme
DCR blog has a very distinctive and clean theme. The only image is a cartoon image of Dan which is a good picture selection for the website since the website features a lot of Dan’s thoughts. I will say that the header could be more attractive though.

Dan’s Creativity
From reading his blog for quite awhile now, I have noticed that Dan is very creative and original. This is shown with his creative take on Viral Links and putting them in story form. Dan also has quite a sense of humor. On the side you’ll notice that he actually records how much money he gets from spam. That made me laugh when I saw that for the first time.

Monetization
Although DCR blogs is a strong blog, it has not made much money. So far, it has only made money off of donations through his soda fund. I suggest to Dan that he get some Adsense, Kontera, Text Ad links, and Auction Ads. He seems to be serious about making money off of his blog, so the next step would be putting some ads up.

Conclusion
Dan runs a pretty nice blog with a pretty solid theme and posts. He has some great ideas and is very creative. The only thing he needs to do is to get some ads up, and he’ll be making money online in no time.

Again sorry Dan for the delay.


 

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UNITED STATES- Are you an avid smoker? Do you think you can smoke 800$ worth of cigarettes? Then you should consider entering the first annual smoking competition sponsored by Marlcoro. The competition will serve as a motivation to keep smoking as health officials and the FDA are causing the smoking industry to lose billions of dollars each year. The competition will be hosted in Atlanta, Georgia and everyone is allowed to enter.

“As the health awareness of people in the United States goes up, the number of cigarette sales is drastically going down,” Philip Myers, CEO of Marlcoro, explained. “To keep ourselves in the game, we have to give incentives to smoke. This competition can be a great incentive.”

The competition will work by giving each competitor 800$ worth of cigarettes in a pile. The first person to light and smoke each one will be declared the victor. The grand prize will be 50,000 dollars, and a year supply of Marlcoro cigarettes. Even though the competition was just announced, it has been receiving lots of negative media attention.

“This nation has come up with some weird ideas. First playing video games for money, and now smoking for money? This has gone just too far. Pretty soon, you’ll be hearing people say ‘I’m a pro smoker’ on the streets,” David Malone, a health expert, said.

Even with all the negative media attention, the competition is still in great shape. There are already fifty competitors signed up.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.


 

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