A Blog that Lies

CHINA-The Chinese FDA has now approved the company DACM (Dog and Cat Meat)’s proposal to start selling pets as food. This is in response to the high growing population of the Chinese population while the food supply is decreasing rapidly. The DACM plans to open a factory and start selling pet meat as food as soon as this year.

“We are getting desperate for food,” Xin Zhong, a local farmer, said. “The meat prices for pigs and chicken have tripled in a couple months, and the local harvest this year is extremely poor. People are on the street starving and begging for food. Our only option is to turn our own pets as food.”

This new ordinance that allows the use of pet for food is causing unrest and anger in animal lovers and animal right activists in America. In fact, a group planned to protest the ordinance in China. However, there is no free speech in China, and the group was advised not go in fear of getting arrested or worst.

“This kind of behavior cannot be tolerated. Using our own pets as food is ridiculous. If they need food so bad, they should have thought about this when they started making babies like crazy.” Paula Crazor, an animal right activist, spoke out.

The current parents to baby ratio is now at 1:4 which is a new time high. In comparison the ratio is only 1:2 in the United States. This baby boomer is causing mass food shortage and lack of living space.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.

WASHINGTON- Anti war antics and protestors went back on their word during their protest and have declared war on the American Government. This was in response to 150 people being arrested for trespassing private property on the White House. Protestors scratched out their signs and painted over them to turn an anti war protest into a declaration of war.

“This is probably one of the largest cases of hypocrisy ever,” Gerald Sharkins, a secret service agent that was at the scene, said. “I thought it was a joke at first, but when I saw everyone in the crowd scratching off the letters of their signs, I was struggling to keep a straight face.”

The group’s leader Carl Saudsbird made the decision to declare war. They claim that the arrests of their fellow protestors were unconstitutional and are proof that America is gradually losing their freedom that our forefathers promised.

“The arrests of the protestors were uncalled for. They did not trespass any private property. Secret agent guards arrested them, because of their protests. This is why I’m declaring war on behalf of all the protestors.” Carl Saudsbird, leader of the group, said.

President Bush was too busy making up statistics to be contacted.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.

PITTSBURGH- A local girl by the name of Laura Goodell, 13, was found dead in her home today. As authorities arrived on the scene, there seemed to be no attempted suicide or forced entry. So what killed her? Dermatologists claimed that the answer is her acne. Laura had so much acne that the infection spread to all parts of the body. With the lack of proper treatment, the acne started to mutate and started to feed off of her. Eventually it got so bad that she apparently died from it.

“The death of Laura still is undergoing investigation,” Bob Poodell, one of the authorities in charge of the case, announced. “Dermatologists have been called from around the world to study this type of acne. There is still no need to panic.”

The type of acne that Laura contracted has been dubbed “The Killer Acne.” If this acne is contagious, another world epidemic might spread like SARS and the bird flu. In brighter news, as the masses of the people start to panic, acne washers and treatment sales have skyrocketed.

“In this day in age, people will panic about anything. I highly doubt this one freak case can affect the health of the rest of the world. To all the teenagers out there enjoy life don’t freak out about it.” Pooden Bodell, a health expert, gave us his views.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.

HOUSTON, TEXAS- Almost every person knows that after getting sick eating medicine and getting treatment can be a pain in the behind. This holds especially true if you’re diagnosed with a chronic illness. However, scientists have developed an easier and more convenient way of treating various ailments- watching TV. That’s right, scientists have launched a new way of treating diseases by having patients watch different TV shows to stimulate their brain.

“Each type of TV show stimulates a different part of the brain,” Researcher, Alan Greene, founder of this program spoke out. “Using the right combination of TV shows, one can stimulate the brain enough to fight off the disease.”

The treatment has been named TFT or TV for treatment and is rewriting medical books as we speak. Even though the idea may sound outrageous at first, 90% of patients have reported getting better since using the treatment. The company that launched the program called Greene Medical Co announced that they have released treatments for colds and fevers thus far.

“We hope that the success of the program right now will spread to more severe diseases such as Alzheimer’s or even cancer.” Tom Greene, CEO of the company, announced.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun! This twisted news was just made from an idea I had.

PARIS- In an effort to make people lose weight, the kilo protocol also has started losing weight to set an example for the world. The 118 year old kilogram protocol, that’s heavily locked up, is showing everyone that no matter how old you are or how confined your space is, weight lost is still possible. In a one week period the kilo protocol has lost 50 micrograms. At this rate, the standard 2.2 pounds equaling one kilo could change very soon.

“I think this is a phenomenal idea,” Nicholas Sarkozy, France’s president, announced. “If a piece of metal can lose weight while being constrained in a box, anyone can lose weight if they exercise and eat right.”

The campaign was started when scientists realized that the protocol kilo was mysteriously losing weight. The name of the campaign has been officially named “Lose Kilograms along with Kilo.”

“Although we are still puzzled as of why the kilo protocol is still losing weight, we’re glad that something good has come out of it. Millions upon millions of people have started daily exercise and eating nutritional foods from this campaign.” Richard Stanzy, the scientist that first discovered that the kilo was losing weight, said.

In the meantime, obesity rates are still the highest they’ve ever been in the history of mankind.

Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? Twisted News makes the boring news more fun!To see the real story click here Please share your opinions and criticisms by commenting.

Summer is at end, and school has just begun. If I were to tell you what happened during my summer this is how it would go:

June 7th, was a good day, as far as I can remember, it was the day school ended. The only reason I was looking forward to my summer is because of the new movies that were coming for the 2007 year. In corresponding order I think it was Transformers, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Simpson’s, and some others. However, my summer turned out to be a dreadful disaster.

On the very same day school was out, another disaster began, drivers training or drivers ed. We sat down and watched a couple of safety videos that were made in the 70’s. Afterwards it was a busy month June because we had an immense amount of drivers ed training to do. Usually I went to school everyday at 10:00 am and stayed in class until 11:30 am. Then I waited 30 minutes for my range class at 12:00 to 12:30, and afterwards I wait another 30 minutes for a 2-3 hours actual driving class with 3 other people. So every other day I would have range and driving but each day of the week excluding weekends I would have class. It took about 3-4 hours each day. Even though it was worth it getting a permit, I had another problem on my hand.

Summer school is always a bummer as portrayed on most TV shows. It’s not that I am stupid, it’s because my sister and parents want me to take advanced classes in my sophomore year so I have to take the easy classes in the summer. In this case Health Ed and Biology, Health is a semester course and Biology is a yearlong course, both I had to complete together in less than one month. I would wake up early, go to school at 9:00 am and then study and finish work problems until 12:00 am, I would have no lunch to eat, so I waited one hour, and then went to class again from 1:00 pm to 3:00 pm where I would get picked up. However, summer school wasn’t all so bad, aside from passing both classes with A’s I managed to design my new website and create blueprints on paper. While everyone else was eating, I was busy creating a new website on paper at school. I wrote down all the keywords, competition, drew the design by hand, made a list of all the requirements, needs, etc. It was all for my latest website called the Dev Network.

After summer school ended I focused mainly on my new Developer resource community. I got myself a nice programmer and he is still to this day from Aug. 19th working on the community which should be released soon. I planned everything out and after summer school ended on July 11th my real summer began. But still I was dedicated to work on my newest project. I spent many hours planning everything out, until July 18th I bought the domain, and bought a fresh vBulletin license for 85$. Afterwards I released the website officially on July 21st (21 is my lucky number). I had two interviews in the summer, and made many blog posts on the Developer articles section over 10 to be exact. I received on the first month over 2000 posts and 800 threads including 75 members. I was reaching the high 300k Alexa rank as well. I recently bought a custom design for 75$ and am getting it coded for more money as we speak.

It’s about the middle of August when I realize I have summer homework to do for AP Chemistry and Honors English 10. I have to read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, To Kill a Mockingbird and The Crucible by Sept. 4th. And not many of you know that I discretely despise reading. I don’t mind reading informational things such as on forums, articles, blogs, or magazines. But fantasy books that are worded in old folk language just damn piss me off. Fortunately, I finished the 3 books and the two essays I had to complete for them. School has started for me, and it’s been dreadful. I have the worst lunch ever, the lamest classes ever, and my entire school life is controlled by my sister, who thinks she knows what’s best for me.