The Attack of Money
Jul 23rd, 2007 by Alex
Jack’s dog life was going very well until they invaded. He remembered that fateful day like it was yesterday. Before that day happened, he was living the life as a king. His owners loved him, and he was definitely spoiled. Jack had three meals a day all filled with luxurious treats. However, he didn’t get fat. His owners always took him on a jog and loved him like he was a child. Many of the dogs he knew were abused and were always malnourished. It seemed as if Jack’s life would be like this forever until it happened.
His owners were gone, and he was allowed to go anywhere he wanted, as long as he didn’t poop on the floors. Jack was just innocently doing dog stuff you know: Lifting weights with his mouth, talking with friends, and playing hide n go seek with his plush toys. Suddenly, he saw something trying to get out of his owner’s purse. From his instincts, he knew something was wrong. His owners didn’t have another pet, or did they? Jack ran to the purse opening it up with his teeth. When he peered inside, he got the shock of his life. At first everything looked normal, the purse had green paper bills(money) that his owners used to get him stuff, and there were cards(credit cards). He had never figured why his owners had cards in the purse, but he always thought that they were birthday cards or something. Anyways, he didn’t find anything alive at first. Then, out of the corner of the eye, he saw one of the green pieces of paper move. Jack had never saw paper move before, but started barking at it right away.
“Hey stop it you little mutt. My friends have a world to take over, now if excuse us.†The green paper started talking. Suddenly, all the pieces of paper stood up like an army.
“You’re not going to hurt my owner if I can help it.†Jack barked back.
“We’ll see about that! You see, your owners like us much more than they like you. Everyday they count us and iron us to keep us from bending.†The paper bill then jumped out of the purse.
“Get back in there!†He barked in disbelief. That couldn’t have been true. His owners loved him more than anything.
The pieces of paper didn’t listen or care. All of them jumped out of the purse and started their descent down to the floor. They were making their way to the door. Jack knew he had to try to stop them; he started stomping on them with all this weight. It seemed to be working as the pieces of paper were folded and twisted. Jack seemed to have all of them pinned down. All he had to do was sit on them until his owners got home. He didn’t count on them retaliating though. Simultaneously, the pieces of paper moved sideways giving Jack a huge paper cut. Jack jumped in pain. He now had a big gash across his butt and was bleeding.
“Nothing you say or do can stop us you little mutt. Now give up and put a bandage over your boo boo.†One of the paper bills taunted him as they continued their march towards the door.
Jack knew there had to be a way to stop them. An idea hit him. If he couldn’t stop them, his digestive system surely will. Jack jumped in the way between the pieces of paper and the door. Viciously, he started chewing on some. They tasted like chicken. One by one, he stuffed them in his mouth. It took all his strength not to throw up after he swallowed all of them. It has been done, he thought when he had felt the slimy pieces of paper go down his throat. Jack didn’t feel so good though, his stomach started gurgling. Then, his stomach started hurting really bad. Jack lied down the floor in pain and passed out.
He awoke to the sound of his owners screaming. Jack thought they were would be proud for what he had done to keep them safe. Instead, they were hitting Jack and screaming at the top of the lungs. Then, the sad reality hit Jack when his owners collected his poop and washed the remains of the paper he had tried so hard to protect his owners from. The pieces of paper were right; his owners did like them more than him. Ever since that day, his owners didn’t forgive him for what he had did. Now, he spends his days locked up in a closet thinking why in the world the humans loved pieces of papers so much.
Note: The green pieces of paper were money of course a dog wouldn’t know that.
This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? To make news more interesting and to get people to read the boring news.To see the real story click here.
I feel the same way you did for this Pouch. I am a dog lover myself and believe they are social animals just as we are. This was a headline on CNN over $800 that she recovered at the local bank. Great Spin on what the media feeds us viewers.
Two Paws Up!