Voldemorts Plan to Kill Harry Potter Foiled
Jul 24th, 2007 by Alex
Note: This twisted news story uses some terms and characters from Harry Potter. Please don’t sue me J.K!
Two hooded men were standing next to a river with a huge bag.
“Would you hurry up?” One of them said to the other.
“It’s hard when you can’t use magic. Why does Voldemort need so many anyways?”
The two wizards were trying to gather turtles for their master Voldemort. Voldemort apparently needed turtles for a new wand to kill Harry Potter.
“Shwzenburg! One of them bit my wand and won’t let go!” The taller one said.
“Fron, you’ve always been so clumsy. Let me handle it.” The stubby wizard said taking out his wand.
“No Yntema! You mustn’t use magic here! If any Muggles(people for anybody that doesn’t read Harry Potter) see us here, the Order will be suspicious.” Fron yelled yanking on his wand.
“Aw, will you shut up about the Order already, we can take them easily.” Yntema was just about to mutter a stunning spell, when Fron swiped his wand away. A splash followed as the wand landed into the river.
“You just made my wand fall into the river you dumb nut!” Yntema was furious.
“Forget your wand! We can’t get caught! Once we get this job done for Voldemort, we will be rewarded greatly, and you can buy thousands of wands! Now help me yank my wand free!”
There they stood the two of them yanking on the wand. Wizards weren’t so strong without their wands.
“On three, one, two, THREE!” They both tugged hard. Suddenly, the turtle let go of its grip, and they both fell to the ground.
“I got it, I got it!” Fron said holding up the wand.
“It’s broken you dumb nut!” Yntema said examining the remaining part of the wand
“Now what are we going to do? We’re both wand-less!”
“Don’t worry, once we get done with this job, we can buy thousands of wands.” Yntema said mocking Fron.
“Oh would you stop mocking me and help me lift up this bag. Now we have to walk back.”
The two of them carried the large bag full of turtles on their shoulders. They didn’t get far when a police vehicle saw them and thought they were suspicious. The police turned on the sirens.
“I daresay, while are the lights flashing on that thing?” Fron asked confusingly.
“A Muggle is approaching us, and we’re wand- less all because of you!”
“What’s in the bag?” The police officer approached them.
“Just some turtles.” Fron replied
“You know stuffing turtles in a bag is illegal. You’re both under arrest! Get down on the ground with your arms spread apart!” The policeman yelled at them.
“Run! He’s going to arrest us, whatever that means!” Yntema, a powerful wizard, said dropping the bag and running for his life.
They didn’t get too far as they were quickly tasered down.
“I didn’t know Muggles could cast stunning spells.” Fron said paralyzed lying down on his stomach.
They were both arrested for trying to apparently smuggle endangered turtles. Little do they know, not only did they save the turtles, they saved Harry Potter’s life.
Disclaimer:This is just a twisted story based on the news story. Why have Twisted News? To make news more interesting and to get people to read the boring news.To see the real story click here.
We’ve been getting decent traffic, but we no one is commenting. Is the story boring? bad? good? interesting? too short? too long? I need to know and the silence is killing me. As a writer, I need some feedback so please comment!
Hi Alex,
The stories need a bit more punch to them. In my opinion, they need to be closer to being actual news stories, but with the twist or punch that makes them a work of fiction.
“Guy Finds Larvae in His Head” started out promising, but I think it went too far with the alien angle. Too overdone–too much like Aliens.
“The Day Cardboard Was Edible” was pretty good.
“Rare Giant Squid Found in Australia” was pretty good.
But, I think they still need a bit more punch, a twist that really grabs people.
And, why not call the site Twisted News, since most posts talk about them being “Twisted News”?
Twisted News or A Blog that Lies, which sounds better? IMO A Blog that Lies then Twisted News Blog.
Oh alex, by the way, the click here link I think is wrong for this article.
Actually it’s correct, I just twisted it a lot if you read the article. Thanks dan for your opinion. Well I started twisting them a lot, when somebody complained that the news stories were too alike the real news story. Now, I face a dilemma twist them a lot like this one(harry Potter has nothing to do with the real story) or stick closer to the real news article.
I don’t know if you’ve heard of the onion, but you should definitely check out their site because they write fake news and satire. Maybe looking at the way their stories are written may help you because they are professionals. I personally like most of your stories, but maybe reading a site like the onion may help you write even better twisted news and it may even give you ideas for topics (I am not saying to copy them, just that it may spark new ideas in you).
As for the lack of comments, writing more controversial things will definitely help. Also, you may want to ask your readers for input at the bottom of each post (along with the disclaimer). These two methods are pretty well proven to help blogs get more comments.
I like the names you used in this story; they’re funny. Keep up the good work.